Oh So Skinny

There's a song called "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor that I initially really enjoyed. When I heard it for the first time, I didn't quite pay attention to the lyrics nor had I watched the video. So I enjoyed listening to it for many weeks after that. Then I finally saw the video & actually heard the lyrics. Since then there's an odd feeling I get when I listen to it. I still enjoy the tune & the overall feel of the song but the message disturbs me. Because the message of the song is quite paradoxical & it hits close to home. On the one hand it says you are perfect the way you are so don't worry about your size; on the other hand it says boys like more booty to hold at night. So... you're perfect if you have more booty since that's what boys prefer? WHAT???!?! Great. Now you're giving a reason for skinny people to feel inadequate & undesirable. 

This is what brought on an important inner discussion for me. This made me think long & hard about my feelings & I realized that this is one of those rare sensitive topics that make me feel low about myself. I'm going to turn 24 years old in a month & I still haven't settled on my opinion about my body. This is also one of the most difficult blog posts I've written.

I keep going through phases when sometimes I'm comfortable in my skin & sometimes I'm not. When I was in my early teenage years, I never felt this uncertainty; I was more than comfortable in my body. I didn't even notice that girls around me were growing boobs & I wasn't. Was it because I was in a girls' school? But even when I moved to a co-ed, I didn't feel inadequate. This began during my college life. It started with aunties & uncles commenting on how skinny I am.

Here are some of the comments I hear on a regular basis & my response to them (which is restricted to my inner voice):

"Eat something" - No thank you, I'll live without eating. Unlike your body, I have a mutant body that can survive without this basic necessity called food.

"Your parents don't give you food?" - No they don't. They're too busy giving me a better life than they had. Please call child services. 

"Come & stay with us for a month & you'll become fine" - Oh so you're one of those miracle workers? Like Baba Ramdev? Hmm, what's your strategy? Does this come with a money back guarantee?

"Take some meat from my body & put it on yours" - Cool. How about you go get a medical degree first & then invent this process. 

Putting their hand around my leg/wrist & saying "Look at those legs- so skinny! Your legs are the size of my arms!" - Good. Now I'll go replace the talking monkey in the street circus so people can come watch me & be amused.

"You're pretty, but you'll be prettier if you put on some weight" - Umm....Thank you....?

"The wind will blow you away!" - And you'll melt humanity with your stupidity! 

There's a BuzzFeed article that pretty much sums up my entire social life while throwing a little humor into this sad situation. 

Most people over a certain age believe it's their right to comment on my figure. Not only comment about how skinny I am but also assume that it's because I don't eat & give unsolicited advice about it. It’s actually quite ironic because most of these people are on the unhealthily fat side. If I wanted your advice, I would have asked for it. If I thought you were competent enough or an expert in the field & that I needed help, I would have certainly asked for it. But no, you're not an expert. You're fat & that's not a qualification!

Let’s talk about implicit social rules here for a bit. Why is it okay to call me 'skinny' at your free will but it's offensive if I call someone 'fat'? Why? Oh wait, I've been told that the acceptable word is 'Voluptuous'. You know, like how you can't call a deaf person deaf since the acceptable term is 'Hearing Impaired'. Okay. Is there an "acceptable" word for 'skinny' then that I haven’t heard of?

Dude, you know nothing about my medical history or genetic background so with what confidence are you assuming that I’m skinny because I want to be skinny? I have always been skinny. I was born underweight & I always have been. It's not like I was given a choice & I chose to be skinny. I eat fine. It's true that I'm not a big eater but I am neither bulimic nor do I skip meals. I'm just naturally skinny; plain & simple. Being skinny is in my genetic structure. You know how I know this? Because multiple doctors have said so! My Mother was 40 kgs when she got married. She, like me, was always skinny. She, like me, was a sportswoman. In fact she was better than me. She represented India in Basketball, played cricket for the state & was an athlete throughout her school life, college life & early career. She was skinny but she was fit. If she wasn't fit, I doubt she would've had such an incredible sports career. Similarly, my Father was quite skinny. He was in the Indian Air Force for 15 years & I'm sure you know how much importance is given to fitness when you're in National Defence. My brother is quite skinny too but he also is a damn good sportsman. My parents are in their late fifties now but they still look like they're in their forties. That's how fit they are despite their 'figures' & 'weights'. I highly doubt that these ‘voluptuous’ people who give us unsolicited ‘health’ advice can move at the speed & with the endurance that we can.

Listen, just like how you would argue that being 'large' is not necessarily unhealthy, being 'skinny' is also not the same as being unhealthy. You don't know the next person's medical history or genetic background or even just what their life has been so far & that means you don't know enough to say whether someone's trying to be size 0 or is unhealthy. Also, I think at the age of 24 I know enough about my body to have tried various things & identified what has resulted in success & what in failure (I'm looking at you Aunties who keep saying I should try XYZ protein shakes).

There’s a beautiful blog post titled “OMG do you eat?” written by Rebecca Judd- a model, speech pathologist, mother &  wife- on her being the target of “Skinny Shaming” by a famous daily. It neatly sums up my issues with this. Seriously, why can't the message be ‘"Be healthy" & be healthy because you deserve it’? Why does it have to be ‘"Be skinny" or "Be fat" because boys want it?’ Why does Meghan Trainor have to sing about the time when her Momma told her that boys like a little more booty at night so throw that damn Barbie away?! Her Momma should have told her to get her act together. 

I’ll tell you what ‘skinny shaming’ does, what I let happen to me.

There was a brief period when I started to withdraw from social interactions. I would refuse to go to parties with my parents because I knew I would have to face 'skinny shaming' without lashing out. I just didn't have the patience to deal with that. I also stopped dancing & performing on stage because I looked really skinny compared to all the other dancers/performers in the group. I got extremely conscious about going on stage & having the spotlight on me. I started imagining that everybody's eyes were on me & they were whispering how skinny & ugly I am. So I just stopped doing the thing I did since I was three years old- dancing. I gave up dance for a while & with it whatever little grace I had. (Eventually I went back to dancing; I took up Kathak & that brought back some amount of grace & inner beauty that I needed.)

I see all these Instagram photos & blogs which women of my age post about their bodies & I'm simply amazed. How do they have so much confidence in their bare skin to post a beautiful picture of their body? I'm too conscious to even pose for a photo fully clothed & here are everyday women of my age sharing pictures of their bodies.   

I've never been one to wear skimpy clothes in public such as tube tops, hot pants, mini-skirts, corsets, etc., not because I know I don't have the body for it but mostly because I want to avoid 'skinny shaming’. (And also because I never find any of these in my size.) As it is shopping for my size in India is impossible since very rarely do I find clothes of my size. On top of that every time I have to dress up to go out, I spend a considerable amount of time wondering which piece of clothing would make me look less skinny. Even for my hairstyle I go through the same decision making process.

Let's talk about guys' behaviour towards my figure for a bit now. You'd imagine that I would feel inadequate because men don't find me pretty since I'm too skinny. But no, that couldn't be further from the truth. Except uncles & their fathers, not many men have commented on my 'skinny' figure. It's mostly been from women & media. And what is this BS about men like ‘Real Women’? What makes ‘voluptuous’ women “real” and not me? So I guess that the time when my Mother was bedridden for a week & I spent 2.5 hrs everyday cooking for the whole family of 6- breakfast, lunch & dinner- I wasn’t being a real woman since I don’t have any curves. Okay awesome.

I have become so conscious about my body now that I don't believe a man when he says he finds me hot or beautiful. My mind just blocks it out. My immediate thoughts are “maybe he says that to every girl” or “maybe he’s just saying that to get into my skirt” or “maybe he’s a loser & thinks I’m easy”. As you can imagine, this is one of the big factors that is affecting my love life.

But in the spirit of being honest I have to admit that this year has not been good for me health-wise. I had my first ever operation this year & fell ill a few times before & after that. Most of the issues though were brought on by mental stress. See there's another thing- Mental health is as important, if not more, as physical health. When I realized that my job was killing me I decided to take a break to focus on my health. It's been a month & even though my focus is split between my health & preparing for the GMAT, I've done a good job w.r.t getting my health back on track. You know how I know this? Because I can feel it from within even though it hasn't resulted in a bigger booty. More on this in another post.

So like I said, I don’t work towards being skinny. Yes, I’d like to have bigger boobs so I can shop for bras easily, and have a bigger behind so I can finally fill out my damn jeans. But it’s not a choice that I’m given. Having said that, if I were given a choice between only skinny & fat, I would choose skinny. You see, pardon me, but if we get onto a race track, I bet it would be my ‘skinny’ legs that would defeat your 'voluptuous' backside. Now that much I'm confident about.

Here's something for the skinny guys too :)

STOP SKINNY SHAMING & FAT SHAMING!

The Big Indian Talk On Sex Between Me & My Daughter

As you grow and understand the world a little better, I think all of us have those fleeting thoughts about what kind of parents we want to be. The first thought on this subject usually is "I will not do that to my child", and then in your twenties it becomes, "This is something I want to do with my child". I want to be a mother some day and this is something I've known for sometime now and occasionally I allow myself to indulge in thoughts about how I want to raise my children. One of these thoughts is about the all important conversation around sex.

As an Indian girl I've received the talk on "Why I shouldn't get pregnant before marriage", as I'm sure many Indian girls have. (It bothers me that my brother has never received the version for boys, i.e., "Why you should not get a girl pregnant before marriage".) It's a warped way of talking about sex in India. You know they don't say it outright so this is a way around having to actually say "sex". Anyway, the reason I shouldn't get pregnant before my marriage, as per my mother is, because what will my dad tell people? What will be our social standing then? My dad will be so devastated that he may just end his life. I'm sure these reasons are important to them and it may stem from some past primary and/or secondary experiences. Now I will in turn tell my daughter (I hope I'm lucky enough to have one) that she shouldn't be an unmarried mother. But my method will be slightly different. 

Here's a conversation I hope to have with my daughter one day when she's 18 years old:

"As difficult as it is to think of you as an adult, I have to accept the fact that you are independent and can make sound decisions on your own now. Including decisions about sex. However, as someone who wishes the best for you and is wiser than you, I want to give you some advice.

Be safe. First and foremost, be safe. Your safety is not something you should ever compromise. Not even if you're madly in love with him/her. Health is your everything. Do not ever think otherwise.

Make sure you know why you're doing it with this person. The first time is special. Not so much because it's with someone you love; it rarely is. It's special because this is the first time you're letting someone get so so very close to you and it's intimidating to share this intimate moment with someone. Some girls regret how their first time went while some don't. Make sure you are in the latter group. I don't want you to feel like you have to do it to please someone else. Do it only because you want to. I don't want you to feel pressured into doing anything sexual that you're not comfortable with. Stand up to the person and say NO. It's okay to say NO to the person you think you love. Just be aware of yourself, your desires, your reservations, and your feelings for the other person. 

Don't get pregnant while you're still figuring out life. You're not emotionally there yet to raise a child. Being a mother is difficult. It's beautiful but comes with immense responsibility. You will be responsible for another human being's safety, education, health, character, existence. At this point in your life, you yourself have not fully taken responsibility of yourself. You're financially not in a position to support someone else and having kids is expensive. You have to be financially secure to feel that you can raise a child well. When you're in college or have just graduated, you're earnings are minimum. You can't do justice to yourself or your child. Soon you'll find yourself working multiple jobs just to put food on the table and a roof over your heads. As if being a mother wasn't exhausting enough. Some women who become mothers while they are teenagers go through a phase when they wonder what would have happened if they didn't get pregnant and pursued their career instead. I NEVER want you to wonder about an alternate scenario where you aren't a mother. Take time to build your career; you need it. And you will see that by showing your kids your passion for your career you are teaching them a valuable life lesson. Your grandparents worked very hard for a very long time to go from having nothing to having a lot just so that that my brother and I would feel empowered to dream big. Ensure that you give your child the best of yourself. And you can do that only when you become the best that you can be. 

The other thing about getting pregnant at a young age is the horrible decision you have to make between giving birth and abortion. I think a part of me will die if my daughter had to decide between life and death for her child. 

So that's why I don't want you to get pregnant while you're still so young.

Live life to the fullest and in a way that you will not regret later. At every point ask yourself if this is something you absolutely want to do and if you will be happier after that. Be safe and remember that your parents will always be by your side when you need us. Unless you murdered someone."

Utopia

Are you ever good enough? No matter how close to perfect you may be, it's still never good enough na. There is always something, somewhere that's missing & often it's that something that is the basis of someone's choice. What if there was Utopia? Would there even be something missing? Why don't we have Utopia? I just don't get why, when we're tired of mistakes & wrongs, don't we have Utopia? You would think that when you reach a point when you don't want to make mistakes, or be sad, or hate someone & be hated, or fall in love & lose it, you would get together with others like you and create Utopia. I mean, isn't it simply logical?

I know someone who's always been strong & independent; ever since childhood fought her own battles & wiped her own tears, who stayed strong & practical through tough times even when all odds were against her. But is there a limit till which she can be that? Doesn't she want to give up & escape after a point just for a little while? Isn't she entitled to it? She's the kind who drips of loyalty, the kind who can never wish ill for somebody no matter how bad that person has been to her, the kind who gives people direction in life, the kind who's sure of herself, the kind who's principles never waver, the kind who doesn't deserve to be worthless. But then that's what she is. What if she was in Utopia? She wouldn't be worthless na? She would deserve the equivalent of her strength. But then I just thought of the irony- if she deserves the equivalent of her strength, the hardship she's been through is so rough to match her strength. Am I right? I wonder that if she just wants a change & leaves something because she's drained of her strength, will she be looked down upon? Will people call her weak? But she's been so strong her entire life; will that be overridden if she escapes once?

Is escapism bad? Does that indicate a weak personality? Is it addictive like a drug? This wouldn't even be necessary if there was Utopia. If someone's fighting for a parliament bill to clean up a vicious system, I think we should go all the way and create Utopia. That's the key to it all. That's the one thing we can never have.

One half a step too late or too early and you dont quite make it,

One half second too slow, too fast, you dont quite catch it.

The inches we need are everywhere around us.

They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second.

On this team we fight for that inch.

On this team we tear ourselves and everyone around us to pieces for that inch.

Claw with our fingernails for that inch.

Because we know when we add up all those inches, that's gonna make the f***ing difference between winnin & losing, between living and dying.    

-Al Pacino, Any Given Sunday

Sunayana Sen

Inch-by-Inch

This is one of my favorite speeches EVER! In the most difficult times, this is what I listen too. So far it's this that keeps me going. 

From the movie- 'Any Given Sunday' starring Al Pacino.

I don't know what to say really; three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives......all comes down to today.

Either we heal as a team or we're gonna crumble; inch by inch, play by play 'till we're finished.

We're in hell right now gentlemen, believe me. 

And we can stay here and get the shit kicked out of us, or...we can fight our way back, into the light. We can climb out of hell.

One inch at a time.

Now I can't do it for you, i'm too old. I look around, I see these young faces and I think..... I mean I made every wrong choice a middle aged man can make.

I pissed away all my money, believe it or not.

I chased off anyone who's ever loved me.

And lately I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror.

You know....when you get old in life, things get taken from you....that's part of life.

But you only learn that.....when you start losing stuff.

You find out life's a game of inches.

So is football.

Because in either game- life or football- the margin for error is so small...I mean....

One half a step too late or too early and you dont quite make it,

One half second too slow, too fast, you dont quite catch it.

The inches we need are everywhere around us.

They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second.

On this team we fight for that inch.

On this team we tear ourselves and everyone around us to pieces for that inch.

Claw with our fingernails for that inch.

Because we know when we add up all those inches, thats gonna make the f***ing difference between winnin & losing,

between living and dying.

i'll tell you this......

In any fight it's the guy who's willing to die who's gonna win that inch.

And I know that if i'm gonna have any life anymore it's because im still willing to fight & die for that inch.

Because that's what living is. The 6 inches in front of your face.

Now I can't make you do it.

You gotta look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes. Now I think you're gonna see a guy who'll go that inch with you.....

You're gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team because he knows when it comes to it, you're gonna do the same for him.

That's a team gentlemen.

And either we heal now as a team or we will die as individuals.

That's football guys. That's all it is.

Now.....what are you gonna do?

Sunayana Sen

FINESTRA

FINESTRA

By Sunayana Sen.

What is it that we see from our windows? Extremely tall skyscrapers, roads jam packed with vehicles, 2 or 3 trees, etc… it‟s the same view from a house in U.S.A, from a house in Russia, from a house in Ukraine. Nothing different. But these are countries that are miles away from each other. But the same view.

What is Finestra?

Finestra in Italian means “window”. AIESEC, through "Finestra‟, is going to show you the view from inside your window‟. It is a unique way of spreading awareness about GLOBAL WARMING. Global warming, unlike any other social issue, is an issue faced by every single living being on this planet. Be it an animal or a human or even a non-living entity such as a lake or a river, we are all facing the inconvenient truth that we are more than happy to ignore. And the truth is- global warming is happening! And it‟s taking away with it parts of our world! It is very easy to sit in the comfort of our secure home (is it really secure?), and read about the disastrous effects of global warming that are happening in different parts of the world as we speak. It's an issue that has been ignored for way too long now. Remember the devastating "Hurricane Katrina‟, the haunting "Tsunami‟ and closer home, the unforgettable "Mumbai rains‟? Did you know that, when the island of Greenland melts- and be sure it is happening – the water levels in the oceans will rise by 20%, thereby making an unbelievable number of cities across the globe perish? Who knows, our city might just be one of the many. 2005 was recorded as the hottest year in the century. Did you know that Andhra Pradesh had been recorded as one of the hottest states in world during that summer? The heat waves claimed more than 14,000 lives in the state that year.

All these are the appalling effects of global warming.


This play brings together people from different countries, speaking different languages, following different cultures, worshiping different Gods even, but with only one similarity- the threat of global warming. 10 diverse internationals will portray the state of their countries, of what was and what will be. And what WE as the youth of today, are doing to affect this scenario.
We in AIESEC don‟t see Earth as a planet with 195 countries. For AIESEC, Earth is ONE world which is facing ONE common threat- GLOBAL WARMING. All the 195 countries in the world face the same problems. Therefore, the need of the hour is awareness of the causes & consequences of global warming & the methods to delay its effects.

Finestra Is a unique and entertaining way of subtly putting across the point, that we have no time to waste in the wake of global warming. This is OUR future that we are destroying. It is the human instinct of survival that should make us find ways to sustain ourselves and our surroundings.


Do you really want to leave your children or grandchildren in a place that‟s devoid of plants, lakes, rivers, seas, oceans, snow-capped mountains, non- polluted oxygen? Lets all unite against this common terrorist called global warming, so that at least we might be able to prevent permanent devastation.

magically Practical

"..... He asked them what they missed most from their old life, as he wanted to bring back a present for each.

The first sister asked for rich gowns, since her closet now held only rags. The second sister asked for a coach and four horses, as she was now forced to ride upon a donkey. But Beauty asked only for a rose, since the garden was now taken up with cabbages."



Remember the joy you used to feel when reading a fairytale as a child? I don't remember which one of the numerous ones i read, was my favorite. I remember, i had 4 copies of Cinderella! And in each one of them the dresses were different, the Prince looked different!

Somebody please remind me why we don't read fairytale s anymore?
Because we are 'grown up' now?
Because we are more logical?

Let's lay the road from fairytale to modern reality........




The modern day Rapunzel gets her hair styled at Haakim's Aalim. Today, Cinderella's pumpkin chariot is nothing less than a BMW. Snow White wants to have a dusky complexion. The Princess will now never look at the Frog, for it is far too ugly..........

........ The Princess does not need to marry a Prince anymore to be called the Queen. The Princess MAKES her own kingdom and employs other princes. That's the power of reality Princesses!!



Can Beauty survive with Beast ?




I've always wondered why all the Princes of every fairytale is called Prince Charming. Modern day Princes are nowhere close to 'charming'. How many dates do you know of that have been 'magical' ? My idea of a magical date has the Prince riding a beautiful white horse, wearing a spotless, elegant suit with a bunch of the most exquisite and exotic flowers i have ever seen, and not the boring old roses. (Actually, how many guys make the effort to find out what flowers you like? I hate roses but i always end up getting roses!) Then the dinner! It need not be in the best restaurant or the most expensive one. High on the hill, with sweet smelling candles, having the dishes that i love, on a full moon night. That's all :)

But what do guys think of? The part after dinner!

I have a theory. If you're looking at guys, you should never look at a hot guy. Coz all hot guys are either creeps or they happen to be gay.

".........He had heard, too, from his grandfather, that many kings, sons had already come, and had tried to get through the thorny hedge, but they had remained sticking fast in it, and had died a pitiful death.

Then the youth said, "I am not afraid, I will go and see the beautiful Briar Rose." The good old man might dissuade him as he would, he did not listen to his words."

The Princes today don't know the meaning of true love. Does anybody? The 'Prince Charming' gifts his Princess a divorce on their 20th wedding anniversary after vowing to be together " .....though sickness and health....."

Not such a fairytale afterall ha?



What about the evil characters? What about the step sisters? What about the witch who wanted to eat Hansel & Gretel? Do they exist in our lives? Who could the evil characters be? Probably the friend who's trying to steal your boyfriend. Probably the aunt who's bitching about you. Probably you yourself.





I believe there is a fairytale in each one of us. I believe there is a lot we can learn from fairytale s, if we just believe in them. If we just pay our childhood another visit.........

Each of us fantasizes. We fantasize about having the perfect relationship with our parents. About having the perfect dress to wear for the first date. About the 'Prince Charming' who will whisk you away with just a smile. About the girl who will be your 'Rapunzel' and let her hair down for you to climb. About the Princess who will kiss you and turn you into a Prince.




Do these fairytale s come true?
What is yours?




It's for you to find out.......... Go live your fairytale........ :)


"Don't die! Don't die! I'll marry you . . ." At these words, a miracle took place. The Beast's ugly snout turned magically into the face of a handsome young man.


"How I've been longing for this moment!" he said. "I was suffering in silence, and couldn't tell my frightful secret. An evil witch turned me into a monster and only the love of a maiden willing to accept me as I was, could transform me back into my real self. My dearest! I'll be so happy if you'll marry me."


The wedding took place shortly after and, from that day on, the young Prince would have nothing but roses in his gardens. And that's why, to this day, the castle is known as the Castle of the Rose.


Sunayana Sen