Oh So Skinny

There's a song called "All About That Bass" by Meghan Trainor that I initially really enjoyed. When I heard it for the first time, I didn't quite pay attention to the lyrics nor had I watched the video. So I enjoyed listening to it for many weeks after that. Then I finally saw the video & actually heard the lyrics. Since then there's an odd feeling I get when I listen to it. I still enjoy the tune & the overall feel of the song but the message disturbs me. Because the message of the song is quite paradoxical & it hits close to home. On the one hand it says you are perfect the way you are so don't worry about your size; on the other hand it says boys like more booty to hold at night. So... you're perfect if you have more booty since that's what boys prefer? WHAT???!?! Great. Now you're giving a reason for skinny people to feel inadequate & undesirable. 

This is what brought on an important inner discussion for me. This made me think long & hard about my feelings & I realized that this is one of those rare sensitive topics that make me feel low about myself. I'm going to turn 24 years old in a month & I still haven't settled on my opinion about my body. This is also one of the most difficult blog posts I've written.

I keep going through phases when sometimes I'm comfortable in my skin & sometimes I'm not. When I was in my early teenage years, I never felt this uncertainty; I was more than comfortable in my body. I didn't even notice that girls around me were growing boobs & I wasn't. Was it because I was in a girls' school? But even when I moved to a co-ed, I didn't feel inadequate. This began during my college life. It started with aunties & uncles commenting on how skinny I am.

Here are some of the comments I hear on a regular basis & my response to them (which is restricted to my inner voice):

"Eat something" - No thank you, I'll live without eating. Unlike your body, I have a mutant body that can survive without this basic necessity called food.

"Your parents don't give you food?" - No they don't. They're too busy giving me a better life than they had. Please call child services. 

"Come & stay with us for a month & you'll become fine" - Oh so you're one of those miracle workers? Like Baba Ramdev? Hmm, what's your strategy? Does this come with a money back guarantee?

"Take some meat from my body & put it on yours" - Cool. How about you go get a medical degree first & then invent this process. 

Putting their hand around my leg/wrist & saying "Look at those legs- so skinny! Your legs are the size of my arms!" - Good. Now I'll go replace the talking monkey in the street circus so people can come watch me & be amused.

"You're pretty, but you'll be prettier if you put on some weight" - Umm....Thank you....?

"The wind will blow you away!" - And you'll melt humanity with your stupidity! 

There's a BuzzFeed article that pretty much sums up my entire social life while throwing a little humor into this sad situation. 

Most people over a certain age believe it's their right to comment on my figure. Not only comment about how skinny I am but also assume that it's because I don't eat & give unsolicited advice about it. It’s actually quite ironic because most of these people are on the unhealthily fat side. If I wanted your advice, I would have asked for it. If I thought you were competent enough or an expert in the field & that I needed help, I would have certainly asked for it. But no, you're not an expert. You're fat & that's not a qualification!

Let’s talk about implicit social rules here for a bit. Why is it okay to call me 'skinny' at your free will but it's offensive if I call someone 'fat'? Why? Oh wait, I've been told that the acceptable word is 'Voluptuous'. You know, like how you can't call a deaf person deaf since the acceptable term is 'Hearing Impaired'. Okay. Is there an "acceptable" word for 'skinny' then that I haven’t heard of?

Dude, you know nothing about my medical history or genetic background so with what confidence are you assuming that I’m skinny because I want to be skinny? I have always been skinny. I was born underweight & I always have been. It's not like I was given a choice & I chose to be skinny. I eat fine. It's true that I'm not a big eater but I am neither bulimic nor do I skip meals. I'm just naturally skinny; plain & simple. Being skinny is in my genetic structure. You know how I know this? Because multiple doctors have said so! My Mother was 40 kgs when she got married. She, like me, was always skinny. She, like me, was a sportswoman. In fact she was better than me. She represented India in Basketball, played cricket for the state & was an athlete throughout her school life, college life & early career. She was skinny but she was fit. If she wasn't fit, I doubt she would've had such an incredible sports career. Similarly, my Father was quite skinny. He was in the Indian Air Force for 15 years & I'm sure you know how much importance is given to fitness when you're in National Defence. My brother is quite skinny too but he also is a damn good sportsman. My parents are in their late fifties now but they still look like they're in their forties. That's how fit they are despite their 'figures' & 'weights'. I highly doubt that these ‘voluptuous’ people who give us unsolicited ‘health’ advice can move at the speed & with the endurance that we can.

Listen, just like how you would argue that being 'large' is not necessarily unhealthy, being 'skinny' is also not the same as being unhealthy. You don't know the next person's medical history or genetic background or even just what their life has been so far & that means you don't know enough to say whether someone's trying to be size 0 or is unhealthy. Also, I think at the age of 24 I know enough about my body to have tried various things & identified what has resulted in success & what in failure (I'm looking at you Aunties who keep saying I should try XYZ protein shakes).

There’s a beautiful blog post titled “OMG do you eat?” written by Rebecca Judd- a model, speech pathologist, mother &  wife- on her being the target of “Skinny Shaming” by a famous daily. It neatly sums up my issues with this. Seriously, why can't the message be ‘"Be healthy" & be healthy because you deserve it’? Why does it have to be ‘"Be skinny" or "Be fat" because boys want it?’ Why does Meghan Trainor have to sing about the time when her Momma told her that boys like a little more booty at night so throw that damn Barbie away?! Her Momma should have told her to get her act together. 

I’ll tell you what ‘skinny shaming’ does, what I let happen to me.

There was a brief period when I started to withdraw from social interactions. I would refuse to go to parties with my parents because I knew I would have to face 'skinny shaming' without lashing out. I just didn't have the patience to deal with that. I also stopped dancing & performing on stage because I looked really skinny compared to all the other dancers/performers in the group. I got extremely conscious about going on stage & having the spotlight on me. I started imagining that everybody's eyes were on me & they were whispering how skinny & ugly I am. So I just stopped doing the thing I did since I was three years old- dancing. I gave up dance for a while & with it whatever little grace I had. (Eventually I went back to dancing; I took up Kathak & that brought back some amount of grace & inner beauty that I needed.)

I see all these Instagram photos & blogs which women of my age post about their bodies & I'm simply amazed. How do they have so much confidence in their bare skin to post a beautiful picture of their body? I'm too conscious to even pose for a photo fully clothed & here are everyday women of my age sharing pictures of their bodies.   

I've never been one to wear skimpy clothes in public such as tube tops, hot pants, mini-skirts, corsets, etc., not because I know I don't have the body for it but mostly because I want to avoid 'skinny shaming’. (And also because I never find any of these in my size.) As it is shopping for my size in India is impossible since very rarely do I find clothes of my size. On top of that every time I have to dress up to go out, I spend a considerable amount of time wondering which piece of clothing would make me look less skinny. Even for my hairstyle I go through the same decision making process.

Let's talk about guys' behaviour towards my figure for a bit now. You'd imagine that I would feel inadequate because men don't find me pretty since I'm too skinny. But no, that couldn't be further from the truth. Except uncles & their fathers, not many men have commented on my 'skinny' figure. It's mostly been from women & media. And what is this BS about men like ‘Real Women’? What makes ‘voluptuous’ women “real” and not me? So I guess that the time when my Mother was bedridden for a week & I spent 2.5 hrs everyday cooking for the whole family of 6- breakfast, lunch & dinner- I wasn’t being a real woman since I don’t have any curves. Okay awesome.

I have become so conscious about my body now that I don't believe a man when he says he finds me hot or beautiful. My mind just blocks it out. My immediate thoughts are “maybe he says that to every girl” or “maybe he’s just saying that to get into my skirt” or “maybe he’s a loser & thinks I’m easy”. As you can imagine, this is one of the big factors that is affecting my love life.

But in the spirit of being honest I have to admit that this year has not been good for me health-wise. I had my first ever operation this year & fell ill a few times before & after that. Most of the issues though were brought on by mental stress. See there's another thing- Mental health is as important, if not more, as physical health. When I realized that my job was killing me I decided to take a break to focus on my health. It's been a month & even though my focus is split between my health & preparing for the GMAT, I've done a good job w.r.t getting my health back on track. You know how I know this? Because I can feel it from within even though it hasn't resulted in a bigger booty. More on this in another post.

So like I said, I don’t work towards being skinny. Yes, I’d like to have bigger boobs so I can shop for bras easily, and have a bigger behind so I can finally fill out my damn jeans. But it’s not a choice that I’m given. Having said that, if I were given a choice between only skinny & fat, I would choose skinny. You see, pardon me, but if we get onto a race track, I bet it would be my ‘skinny’ legs that would defeat your 'voluptuous' backside. Now that much I'm confident about.

Here's something for the skinny guys too :)

STOP SKINNY SHAMING & FAT SHAMING!

The Big Indian Talk On Sex Between Me & My Daughter

As you grow and understand the world a little better, I think all of us have those fleeting thoughts about what kind of parents we want to be. The first thought on this subject usually is "I will not do that to my child", and then in your twenties it becomes, "This is something I want to do with my child". I want to be a mother some day and this is something I've known for sometime now and occasionally I allow myself to indulge in thoughts about how I want to raise my children. One of these thoughts is about the all important conversation around sex.

As an Indian girl I've received the talk on "Why I shouldn't get pregnant before marriage", as I'm sure many Indian girls have. (It bothers me that my brother has never received the version for boys, i.e., "Why you should not get a girl pregnant before marriage".) It's a warped way of talking about sex in India. You know they don't say it outright so this is a way around having to actually say "sex". Anyway, the reason I shouldn't get pregnant before my marriage, as per my mother is, because what will my dad tell people? What will be our social standing then? My dad will be so devastated that he may just end his life. I'm sure these reasons are important to them and it may stem from some past primary and/or secondary experiences. Now I will in turn tell my daughter (I hope I'm lucky enough to have one) that she shouldn't be an unmarried mother. But my method will be slightly different. 

Here's a conversation I hope to have with my daughter one day when she's 18 years old:

"As difficult as it is to think of you as an adult, I have to accept the fact that you are independent and can make sound decisions on your own now. Including decisions about sex. However, as someone who wishes the best for you and is wiser than you, I want to give you some advice.

Be safe. First and foremost, be safe. Your safety is not something you should ever compromise. Not even if you're madly in love with him/her. Health is your everything. Do not ever think otherwise.

Make sure you know why you're doing it with this person. The first time is special. Not so much because it's with someone you love; it rarely is. It's special because this is the first time you're letting someone get so so very close to you and it's intimidating to share this intimate moment with someone. Some girls regret how their first time went while some don't. Make sure you are in the latter group. I don't want you to feel like you have to do it to please someone else. Do it only because you want to. I don't want you to feel pressured into doing anything sexual that you're not comfortable with. Stand up to the person and say NO. It's okay to say NO to the person you think you love. Just be aware of yourself, your desires, your reservations, and your feelings for the other person. 

Don't get pregnant while you're still figuring out life. You're not emotionally there yet to raise a child. Being a mother is difficult. It's beautiful but comes with immense responsibility. You will be responsible for another human being's safety, education, health, character, existence. At this point in your life, you yourself have not fully taken responsibility of yourself. You're financially not in a position to support someone else and having kids is expensive. You have to be financially secure to feel that you can raise a child well. When you're in college or have just graduated, you're earnings are minimum. You can't do justice to yourself or your child. Soon you'll find yourself working multiple jobs just to put food on the table and a roof over your heads. As if being a mother wasn't exhausting enough. Some women who become mothers while they are teenagers go through a phase when they wonder what would have happened if they didn't get pregnant and pursued their career instead. I NEVER want you to wonder about an alternate scenario where you aren't a mother. Take time to build your career; you need it. And you will see that by showing your kids your passion for your career you are teaching them a valuable life lesson. Your grandparents worked very hard for a very long time to go from having nothing to having a lot just so that that my brother and I would feel empowered to dream big. Ensure that you give your child the best of yourself. And you can do that only when you become the best that you can be. 

The other thing about getting pregnant at a young age is the horrible decision you have to make between giving birth and abortion. I think a part of me will die if my daughter had to decide between life and death for her child. 

So that's why I don't want you to get pregnant while you're still so young.

Live life to the fullest and in a way that you will not regret later. At every point ask yourself if this is something you absolutely want to do and if you will be happier after that. Be safe and remember that your parents will always be by your side when you need us. Unless you murdered someone."

Guardian Jewels

Some highly observant people have asked me why I wear my old-fashioned, gold watch all the time. 

It was my Late Didima's (Maternal grandma) watch and she wore it all the time. Boy, did it look great on her! I have other watches too, more 'fashionable' ones but her watch has the timeless uniqueness that none of the prada, gucci, tommy watches can match. Just like my Didima. Most importantly, I wear it because it gives me a sense of comfort that she's always watching over me & I'm not alone.

The necklace is another piece that I inherited from her and I wear it with all my sarees. I never forget to wear it for any family wedding. I wear this necklace because my Didima was a beautiful and fabulous lady and I hope to be a tiny reflection of her some day.

These pieces of jewelry have been through my many ups and downs but have still remained the same timeless beauties, giving me a sense of stability and security just like my Didima did.

Sunayana Sen

“A person often meets his destiny on the road he took to avoid it.” -Jean de La Fontaine

In my previous posts about my self-discovery in career and love I spoke of a trip that I took to Singapore. It was the most important trip of my life and I could live it a million times. 

At Marina Bay Sands Singapore

I was heart broken, ready to quit my job, ready to just curl up under a blanket and sleep for the rest of my life. I couldn't envision a future for myself, constantly questioned my past and I certainly didn't know how to deal with the present. The only thing my gut told me was leave. And I went to Singapore. I promised myself that I would not get on to Facebook or chat with anybody from back home while I was there because I needed every bit of space to get back on my feet.

My days in Singapore were the most empty days that I ever had. I would wake up post noon, have lunch for over an hour while watching TV, then I would take a nap, wake up and shower and then go explore the city. Usually I'm a very organized person when it comes to travel; I research about the tourist attractions, the things to do, the history of the place, the costs for each of them and make an extensive itinerary. This time I hadn't done any research and didn't have any itinerary. Which was kind of liberating. I was free to go where I wanted with a blank mind. I went to the Marina Bay Sands, visited the casino there (my first casino experience ever!), chilled at the Sentosa beach at 10 pm, drank at the East Coast Park beach until 6 am and watched the sun rise, went to a dance bar (my first experience with this too!), tried different cuisines- all of which I have never done in India and probably won't ever get to do.

My most memorable experience was the day that I spent on Sentosa Island by myself. One afternoon I just took off to the island with nothing except money, phone and camera. For the longest time I sat at the beach cafe where I had stopped to eat a hot dog. I just sat there doing nothing but watching the water. Water brings a certain sense of calm to me and I was there soaking it all in without interruption. I watched people enjoying the water too and just being with their loved ones. That evening was the best I had had.

You know, when you have space around you, you should really use it. I was forced out of a future I held very dear to me but then I asked myself, was this who my parents raised? I couldn't just give up without a fight. I refused to disappoint myself. And that's when my upward climb began. As my day to leave Singapore came close, I had to pick up the pieces and make it into something. But I couldn't think of anything. So I decided to take life one day at a time just like did in Singapore. No thinking about the future became my mantra. Six months was the time I gave myself do something before I pack up and leave my hometown. I gave these six months my all- days, nights, sweat, blood, brains, focus, tears. I taught myself coding, I learned to play the drums, I taught children English and to build kaleidoscopes, and best of all, I started learning Kathak. I drowned myself in all this because I didn't know what to do. And it paid off in many ways. At work I earned respect and got promoted; At the school I felt good about the love I was getting from children; At dance I re-built my feminine-ness. Ofcourse for the first couple of months I was still an emotional wreck but slowly I started loving myself again the way I never did before.

This day last year I was in Singapore with a blank mind. Today I am here being the best I can be.

Be the best you can be. -Sunayana Sen

Sunayana Sen



You can live my travels through my Facebook album- Travelogue 

"A man's errors are his portals of discovery." James Joyce

I had expected my life to be relatively smooth like the blue line in this graph. However, the red line with the spikes and drops is more like how my life was in the past year.

In my previous blog post I invited all my readers to watch this discovery through a series of blog posts and I'm going to do this in three parts. Let's start with the event that set off an avalanche of changes.

When I left college I promised myself that the next relationship I would be in would be my final, my forever after so I would have to choose very carefully and be absolutely sure before I got into it. Yeah, so it didn't happen that way. On May 16th, by the pool at Novotel after work he asked me, "Sunayana, will you go out with me? Please say yes or I will jump into this ditch!" And I said yes. What made me say yes? He's bengalee, he's good looking (Apparently, only his girlfriends think so), he doesn't smoke, he's hard working and he likes me; everything I wanted in my life partner. Besides, how can I say that some guy will be my forever after if I don't give it a try? I'm not going to fall in love in just one day; I'm going to have to spend some time building a relationship. So I said yes. What did I learn at this point? Don't be too rigid. Give it a shot, take that risk.

Days went by and we said our I love you's. His first gift to me was a beautiful pair of silver earrings which I NEVER took off. It made me feel complete. His next gift- a traditional gold ring from his hometown. Needless to say, I NEVER took it off. I introduced him to my parents and Baba's first words were, "I'm very happy you chose a bengalee boy." I got him home, Ma cooked for him, parents chatted with him, his parents asked about me everyday, kept asking him sharp questions to see whether he really loved me, he introduced me to his didi, he asked me if I would marry him; basically all was good. What did I learn at this point? I learned that I have a lot of love to give and I can be somebody's rock through thick and thin. And you know what, I loved that feeling.

Then five months later he told me he kissed another girl.

When I was learning how to swim my coach would take off my tube and fling me into the water and I would frantically kick my arms and legs just to stay at the surface. Know that feeling? Yeah that was what I felt when I heard this. It took me seven days of a roller coaster ride of emotions to finally be happy for him that he found someone who could make him smile. It was the start of Durga Puja then and I vividly remember standing in front of the new idol and praying for the first time in many years (I was an atheist for a few years). I started believing in God that day. I said, "If she is who makes him smile, I'm happy for him. His smile brings me peace and I always want to see him smile." And that's a prayer I've said everyday since. The next day he came back to me. I weighed everything and made a conscious decision to give it another shot. This point onward began my self-discovery.

So he came back from his vacation, we got back together, mutual friends gave him loads of shit about what he did and I remained his rock. Did I forbid him from talking to this girl? No. People told me that was my biggest mistake. At that point it didn't seem like it. At this point also it doesn't seem like it. I did the right thing. Why?

"Try not to be a man of success, but a man of value."
Albert Einstein 

So I have to tell you about this girl for you to understand why. This girl is known to be a dumb s**t. She slept with/made out with a couple other colleagues and others and is known to be "too dumb to even make fun of". She had two friends in this city both of whom are my colleagues and they abandoned her. Not only abandoned, but proactively cold-shouldered her too. My entire work circle (her only social circle at this point) was being a bitch to her. She had no friends. She wasn't getting a job either. Everywhere she tried, she got rejected. She's jobless. (Yet she had the time & heart to go partying everyday) He was the only friend she had. Oh and she lives four buildings away from mine. Now what did I think of her? Until this point I hadn't heard anything about her from him other than "she's pretty". The only thing I thought about her was that she has very low respect for herself and others. I strongly believe that someone who would agree to be the other woman, kiss another woman's man knowing that he's taken and entertains a man's infidelity has zero self respect. And this goes for men too. But other than this, I didn't judge her to be a "dumb s**t". I also believe that there are some people who you connect with who you show your genuine self to and there are others who see only a part of you and judge you. I thought maybe he was the friend she connected with. Now one thing this experience taught me is that genuine friendship can be your oxygen. I didn't want to take away her only friend from her. Not even the devil deserves to be friendless. He was also helping her find a job by refining her CV and going over some concepts and I didn't want to take away that either. She needed help (which I offered also; I offered to be her friend too) and he was helping her (Eventually she got a job to which a friend said to him, "Your girlfriend is finally socially acceptable").

So yes, I let him be her friend. Also because I didn't know what insecurity felt like and I don't like dictating people's actions. And if he really understood his actions, I wouldn't need to tell him what to do. But then we couldn't sustain our relationship and we finally moved away from each other and I left the country. And that was the best decision I made that year. The Singapore trip was a trip that changed everything. That deserves a different post altogether.

What did I learn at this point? I learnt what fear feels like. I learnt that I have immense tolerance. And what I have more than anything is Faith. Even through all the episode with that girl, I kept praying to God that he should finally come around, that he should find that strength in him to stop making the same mistakes and put his foot down when he starts feeling weak. I kept asking myself if I made an error in judging his character and my instincts say no. And I trust my instincts more that anything in this world.

I came back a month later and found out he was dating her. Yes it was a struggle everyday to walk into office and see him and not talk to him. He was my talk-to-person for career related things and on many occasions I almost walked up to him to talk about his views on what I did. Since I came back I had two breakdowns but slowly I got a grip on myself. And this is when I learnt that I'm a strong girl, much stronger than I give myself credit for. Believing in Karma also helps. A few guys happened during this time and this was my testing period. I didn't follow the path of rebound and have flings with any guy who came to me. I'm proud that I kept my values intact and stayed true to myself. My biggest win in this.Believing in Karma helps here too! Our mutual friend recently told me when she was moving to Delhi that he should apologize to me. No he shouldn't. One should apologize only when they believe they have gone against their values and when their conscience says they have been wrong. Otherwise, it doesn't mean a thing. And what did he do? Just what every regular guy does. I'm the one who should apologize to me. After all, I was the one who let this happen to me.

Anyway, till date, barring a couple of occasions, I have never spoken ill of her. Even today when I go to the temple every morning and after my dance classes, I pray that he's happy with whoever he is and most importantly, he be the best he can be at all times. If being with her makes him so, then so be it. If not, it's time you gave him that strength. So closing this post with something I read and say to myself every time I hear or think about him and her and one of my most important lessons-

माँ हिम्स्यत सर्व भूटानी: never commit violence to anyone | The Bhagavad Gita

Sunayana Sen

The Sitar Diaries

The sound of the Sitar is like a delicate yet strong woman while the sound of the Tabla is like a man. While played together the sound of Tabla always dominates but if you listen to the music you will notice the strength & stability of the Sitar's sound. Just like the woman who will stay at the base and provide the strong foundation to take support & grow on.

At any point of the music there will be that delicate sound of the Sitar. The piece always starts off with the sound of the Sitar & ends with it too. It remains that constant delicate sound in the background. 

If Sitar was a woman, the way you handle the Sitar accurately depicts her mood. You can raise the tempo & it may sound like ecstasy; Raise the tempo keeping the base low, and it will sound like fury; Play it slowly, just lightly touching it, it will bring you peace & calm; Play it flat & it will sound like sadness; Gradually raise the tempo with spaced out touches & it sounds like fear. 

Always listen to the sound of the Sitar in the background. It usually depicts the honesty of the mind. If you catch the pulse of the Sitar, you will lose yourself in someone else's life; you will feel ecstasy, fear, sadness, peace, fury- all of this in the few notes from start to finish.

All in a block of wood.

Sunayana Sen

The Virgin Prize

My friend Vyshnavi Sainath is a fantastic dancer with dance in her genes, thanks to her internationally renowned mother, Rajeshwari Sainath. Today I went for a dance ballet held at Ravindra Bharati by a womens' support organization that was choreographed by & featured the mother-daughter duo. Titled "Ahalya", the ballet told the story of the Bramha-made, Goutama-cursed & Ram-rescued pathivratha- Ahalya. 

Ahalya (also known as Ahilya) was the epitome of a woman created by Bramha who wanted to make a perfect woman symbolizing purity, intelligence & beauty. Impeccable beauty. He made her such that every bit of her would drip with beauty. Bramha put Ahalya in the care of sage Goutama until she reached marriageable age & the sage become a mother, a father & teacher to her. He handed her back to Bramha, as pure as she was when she was given under his care. Then Bramha put forth the proposal that whomsoever can circle the earth thrice will win Ahalya as his bride. Indra, the egotistical King of Gods believed that beauty such as Ahalya was only made for him & he had the natural right to her. However, because she was the epitome of chaste womanhood, he agreed to Bramha's proposal & circled the earth thrice. In the meanwhile, Goutama in his morning holy rituals, had thrice circled a cow while it was giving birth to a calf. And that is the highest act of morality, making Goutama the winner of Ahalya.

Ahalya had to now accept him as a husband while Goutama always saw her with a veil of suspicion even though it was Indra eyeing her & not the other way round. "It's not easy to enact marriage, constantly dancing on a razor edge". One day when Goutama was off doing his daily chores, Indra, not able to control his lust anymore, seduced her disguised as Goutama. When Goutama discovered this act of 'impurity', he castrated Indra & turned Ahalya into stone. Indra pleaded with his brother to reverse the curse & his brother gave him the testicles from an ox & thousand eyes (he became famous as the thousand eyed Indra). "The wrong was rewarded." But Ahalya remained a stone, cut off from humanity for years until Ram brushed his feet against a stone & then the curse was broken. 

   So the moral of the ballet was 

1. Men were lustful beings
2. Purity is virginity
3. Even if people are in the wrong, they're still rewarded (Remember how Indra got an ox's testicles)
4. Even if women are loyal, responsible, pure in dharm & karm, everything is overridden the day another man enforces himself on her
5. Wife will always happily take her husband's decisions because she has committed to love him

 I wanted to quote some of the dialogues from the ballet but unfortunately my memory won't allow it. The dialogues were beautiful & it gracefully articulated Ahalya's story. I will try to get my hands on them for you. And this post lays the perfect foundation for the next series of my posts.

*The story written here has its sources in the dance ballet 'Ahalya' & various internet sources

Sunayana Sen